Day 7 Post surgery. It was so much harder than I anticipated. I was gauging the recovery of my bilateral mastectomies on how well the recovery of my two lumpectomies went. But this was a whole different beast. The constant uncomfortableness can not be stressed enough. It was a lot. It was uncomfortable and pinchy to breathe, to move, to sit, to lie. There was pressure and pain from tight binding on the outside and from the inside where the drain tubes were scraping. It just was NOT fun. There was a constant reminder of uncomfortableness that would only be relieved with time. Did I mention how uncomfortable it was?

But I kept busy with being proactive about my care. I recorded temperature, and cleaned and stripped my drainage tubes twice a day. I recorded and emptied by drainage bulbs twice a day at first, and then later just once a day. There wasn't much more I could do. It brought flashbacks of having a newborn baby. I remember that uncertainness, and the only confidence was recording our progress. I remember writing down times of wet diapers and bowel movements, and baths. This felt the same.

​I was grateful for family and friends that stopped by to lend a hand with care and company. I was surprised with a candlelight vigil as family and friends gathered outside on the sidewalk to wish me well. I was blessed with all the people praying for me, for my recovery, and for good results from the pathology reports. I was just in a metaphorical cocoon, holding me tight, and my body doing physical work that I had no control of. Only time would tell the outcome.

I had no idea what was going on under the wraps. I was advised not to change bandages or shower that area until my 7-day checkup. The weather had been warm and the bindings were beginning to have an odor I feared was infection. I worried that something was oozing or putrifying under wraps. My imagination was making up horrifying scenarios. But I had no fever, so I had to put my faith in my body knew what to do.

The other fear that plagued my mind was that THIS surgery, and pain, was just the beginning of the end of me. We had no idea if cancer had spread to lymph nodes and beyond. We DID know that one DCIS was Estrogen/Progesterone Negative which was not favorable and unresponsive to chemotherapy. So my prayers were that all the cancer was contained.

When we got the results from the surgery, where they examined the removed tissue, and sentinel lymph nodes, it was a HUGE, lifesaving relief. It appears that the margins were clear, cancer contained, with no metastasis. That meant I did not need chemotherapy or radiation. Hallelujah! Now I could get on with healing and living. (Still feeling a bit like the other shoe was going to drop.)

I challenged myself to do an Urban Sketchers Meet Up in Holland, Michigan, pretending all was normal, while under my shirt I had bandages and drain tubes. But it felt good to be out and about, driving for the first time since surgery, and doing what I love. I met some wonderful women sketchers that had similar experiences, and I felt like I was part of club. (A club I never wanted to join.) The sharing of stories and support brought tears to my eyes.

The pain and uncomfortableness was still there, and I still needed to have drain tubes in for a few more days, but knowing this was the end of my procedures was a huge sigh of relief. Dr. App had removed my bandages, and all was well and healing nicely. I was on the road to recovery. It was so strange seeing my body for the first time. I was grateful to have my husband and sister there for support. I was glad that the incisions looked great but the missing breasts made me feel a bit disfigured. It took some getting used to.

​The changes and body image is still surprising to me. But I am getting used to it. I'm working on it.

That dreaded purple marker that my breast surgeon uses to mark the shape of things to come. It is messy and difficult to remove. She likes to generously mark where cut lines will be and what to expect. The purple line is evidence of change, but what can prepare a person for that sort of life changing step?

I currently attempting to make preparations for surgery which will be in a few days. Blood is drawn and the marker is scoured away. Now I just tie up loose ends like end of month bills, and wait for surgery and subsequent results. But, what should I do while in this transitional stage?

At this moment, I still have my breasts which I have kind of gotten attached to. In the early years they signaled change and the mystery of growing up. In my young adult years they symbolized coming to terms with my grown up body, and autonomy. As a young mom, I am grateful they were givers of life and sustenance for my baby. It's so odd to think they are growing cancer cells and my body is feeding that growth as if its life depends on it, when the opposite is actually happening.

I am trying to stay in the moment; this moment that God has blessed me with. It is truly paralyzing to think of what may come (for those are the thoughts that race through my mind as I try to fall asleep, or are the first thoughts upon waking). I can't let myself get caught up in the 'why' and 'what could I have done differently to prevent it'. And I can't let myself get caught up in 'what is going to happen to my son, and husband, and family, without me'. Those kinds of thoughts cease me up and bring me to tears. So instead, I breathe and take this moment of peace and gratitude and love the people around me, and do what I have to do.

So, thank you breasts for serving me well. I will move on from here doing whatever I can for health and preservation. Thank you to my friends and family, who have crossed my path for a while, or have walked this life together. I'll try to stay grateful and remain p r e s e n t because there is peace in that.

I am working on it.

It feels so good to get back to working in a sketchbook. I am challenging myself to draw everyday, and it is helpful to have a focus. It certainly helped me to join a new local chapter of Urban Sketchers. We gather together or sketch individually, but post our work collectively as Urban Sketchers West Michigan.

I used to use a sketchbook to record ideas, to practice, and work through projects, but didn't use the sketchbook as an end result. I might have a sketch of here or there, but nothing consistently. Since meeting up with others and sketching our corner of the world, it has encouraged me to draw daily and record what I see around me. What I love about sketching is that it takes the pressure off of needing to have a 'finished' work of art. It allows me to sketch quick, and loose, and to play with the process without worrying about the end result as I would with a final piece.

What I also love about having a sketchbook is that it is a recording of a personal memory. Taking the time to sketch allows me to interact with my environment. I get to really look at what is in front of me and focus on the bits that are of interest. Then, I have that moment recorded like a scrapbook to look back on. Each and every time I sketch, regardless of the medium, I learn something new. I learn to mix colors, or how they interact with that particular paper, or I figure out a new technique or discover a way I like to work.

I had always asked other artists and professionals how to develop a style, and the answer would always be the same...just draw! It isn't until I actually draw daily and accumulate a large quantity of sketches that I am beginning to feel comfortable with the process. Where it goes from here will be fun to see.

I encourage you to pick up a pencil or pen and draw what you see. It doesn't matter the level of your ability, or if you've had formal training. And you never have to share your sketch with anyone else if you don't want. Do it for you. You may find it relaxing to explore the world with line and color. Get back to the happiness you found in coloring, as a child. It may awaken the want to 'play' with art materials. Anyone can do it.

Feel free to follow us on Facebook or join our Urban Sketchers West Michigan group. There is no cost and all levels are welcome! Upcoming meet-up events are posted. Urban sketching isn't just for outside drawing either. It is inside or out, interiors, exteriors, landscapes, people or pets in an environment. I even take those bits of urban sketching in my sketchbooks, and rework them back at home at my drawing table. Sketching leads to inspiration!

I encourage you to try to sketch. Practice. Have fun. Reach out to me if you need help or want company.

I'm working on it! How about you?

The morning is my favorite time of the day. If it is a sunny morning, then that is an extra blessing.

Today, it felt like I had a dozen tasks I needed to do but what I chose to do first, was to paint my toenails on the back steps, and do a sketch of our growing garden. I was moved by the sun shining through the leaves and making shadows on the other parts of the plant. I wanted to try and capture the light and shadows.

It felt good to listen to the noises of the neighborhood. There was an energy, yet a calm all at the same time. I love those mornings when the temperature is just right to sit outside in my jammies and soak in the freshness of a new day.

Morning has broken...

I want to try and capture that magic.

I'm working on it.

​

Today is Mother's Day. And if that isn't special enough, on my way into work, I had a close encounter with a scared, struggling creature, that ended well. It was a magical moment for me.

As I was walking down the stairs in the parking ramp, I heard the frantic sound of a bird flinging itself at a huge window. Most of the parking ramp is open and birds regularly fly in and out of the structure, but one corner is enclosed in glass. That little bird was confused and trapped in the corner area. 

Instantly, my heart started pounding at seeing its panicked state. I tried to shoo it away but it flew into the other corner. At that time a coworker (shout out to Rose), with a gentle heart, saw the struggle too. Neither of us could bear to leave it there. Together we tried to guide it out, but to no avail. I tried to cover it with my scarf, but it flew to the lower levels and flung itself at the glass down there.

So I took a breath, and settled my panic and willed it to know that we were here to help it and tried again. I put my scarf over it and was able to carefully close my hands around it. It was so sweet. Its beautiful, brilliantly colored head was peeking out of my scarf. I wished I could have held it longer or snapped a photo, or something. Rose opened the door, I carried it outside, and let it go. It flew away seemly unharmed. 

That little creature was so amazing and beautiful, it was a wonderful gift to see it up close. It was a Common Grackle, and rescuing it and feeling it in my hands filled me with joy. It didn't seem so common; it seemed extraordinary. The iridescent blue head and purplish black body against the teal scarf were breathtaking. I felt honored by being able to help it out of tight spot, and who doesn't love a happy ending?! 

Being in the right place and the right time feels right.  

I'm working at it.


​
This little drawing was done with the tools I had with me: my sketchbook, black pen, and colored markers.

'Well I finally joined Urban Sketchers.

That was a goal of mine for a very long time. It was not a difficult task, but just needed the form to get filled out and links made to connect my blog to their site. It is absolutely free, and anyone can join. You should take a look! There are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G sketches from sketchers around the world. Sketchers can link their Facebook or other social media pages so you can view endless pages of sketchbooks.

Who doesn't love browsing through someone's sketchbook? Taking a peak at someone else's sketchbook can be as revealing as a diary or as telling about one's likes as looking in someone's refrigerator or medicine cabinet. I love it! Sometimes I feel a bit intimidated by how good the artists can be. I admire their work and think "Geez, I wish I could be that good." But whether done by a professional or amateur, ALL the sketches convey someone else's point of view and that is what invigorates me, and inspires me to pick up a pen and grab my sketchbook to literally AND figuratively 'go to town'.

So check it out the site:  www.urbansketchers.org

The sketching that is done can be of city or countryside, people or buildings, flora or fauna, interior or exterior, and by professional or amateur artists. The whole point is to be out and about sketching as opposed to back in your studio. There are guidelines posted on the site if you want more information or want to join, yourself.

So check back here, occasionally, and hopefully you'll see some new urban sketches from me! My next goal is to create or join a Grand Rapids Urban Sketchers Chapter. In the meantime, why don't you grab the nearest pen, pencil or maker, and draw what you see around you? Be open to freeing the artist that is in you!

​I'm working on it myself.

It's that time of year again...the first full weekend in June. I look forward to the Festival of the Arts all year. The smoke from the grills, and scents of spicy concoctions make my mouth water and my spirit soar. I love walking through the crowds of people and hearing snippets of conversations. The music for each of the stages is as varied as people and food. I enjoy finding a spot to sit, nibbling on a treat, and watching the people go by. This year, I already got an elephant ear slathered in cherry pie filling, and something new called a Polish Burrito. It had kielbasa, kapusta and mashed potatoes all rolled in a flour tortilla. It was MUCH better than it sounded. Yummy.

This Friday night visit, I remembered my sketchbook (but forgot my camera). So here is one sketch I did. I was trying to capture the light and shadow of the skyline view from one stage.

I look forward to my visit today....we're heading back downtown!

There is just something so HAPPY about Carrot Cake! It brings joy to me. It is currently the cake of choice on my birthday or on special occasions. I have Ruth and Diane Hogan to thank for giving me my first taste, as well as the recipe, for Carrot Cake. 

It makes me even happier when on the day after my birthday, when back to reality and the little bit of the 'specialness' has worn off,  I can walk into the kitchen and see that there is STILL enough birthday cake left for breakfast. 

So Happy Day-After-My-Birthday to me….it's a happy day…there is still Carrot Cake!

In honor of my Mother, Mary Alice. Thanks for all you've done for your family. I am so honored to have you as my Mom. Happy Mother's Day! I love you lots. The first drawing is of you "just laying down for a few minutes to rest my eyes", and is how I fondly think of you. These were drawings from my sketchbook from 1989.

In honor and remembrance of upcoming Mother's Day, I am posting a series of drawings from my sketchbook. These drawings were done in 1989. That is when I had a Life Drawing Class, and was busy recording daily life in my Sketchbook. 

Above, is my Mom, Mary Alice, typing on her typewriter. It was a fancy electric one that had a memory. It was way before personal computers. Her lumps and bumps are a bit out of proportion, but I like it because it jogs my memory. It makes me smile when I think of my Mom typing away at the kitchen table.

Below, is my Mother-in-law, Rosalie. This is her favorite sitting spot, where she rests and watches her 'shows' on TV. She is the sweetest person, and loves her routine. We all know not to stop in between 1-2 pm, because that is when she eats her lunch and watches her soap opera. 

I love them both, dearly, and am blessed to have them in my life.

In honor and remembrance of upcoming Mother's Day, I am posting a series of drawings from my sketchbook.

This is a drawing done in 1989. I had no eraser at the time, otherwise I would have cleaned it up a bit more. It is special to me because it is of my Grandmother Dorothy Sedlecky. It was done at her apartment. It has a violet plant in the background, and I always think of her when I see them.

Grandma prayed everyday for her family and others, and I'm sure she is praying as fervently, while in Heaven. I love and miss you Grandma. It is nice to remember the time we've spent together.

I was called for jury duty, today. It is not what I was looking forward to, but, I suppose I was pleased to serve to ensure our freedoms. 

It was my day off today, and I felt a bit disappointed that the weather was so beautiful, and I had to use up my day in court - but - it all worked out. I was really glad that the number of jurors ahead of me fulfilled their quota, so after a couple of hours, I was free to go home. 

Here are some sketches I had done, as I was trying out my new Sailor Calligraphy Pen. I did no pencil preliminary underdrawing; just some scratchy line drawings to engage my mind. The pen has the ability to do thick and thin lines, but takes a little getting used to it since it is not a roller-ball, but an old-fashioned style calligraphy pen.  With those types of pens you can't really do circular movements, mostly side to side. The jury is still out……pun intended….whether I like the pen or not.

Here are two sketches from my sketchbook done June 1999 on our family trip to Mackinac Island. 

I had glued some dark paper in my sketchbook so I could use chalk pastel. This location is the view from Mission Point beach on Mackinac Island. [Go to the navigation bar at the top of the page 'About. . .' to see more information about Mackinac Island.]

My process: I've used this technique in other drawings on this blog.  I use a medium value of paper, then I can add a dark line, and lighter color for highlights, and it hits the whole range of values and makes it feel complete.

Here's my boy!  This is a sketch from the same sketchbook, that I didn't complete in color. It is of our son, who was 4 at the time resting in the umbrella stroller, when we were on the same vacation on Mackinac Island. You can see the horse and carriage, and a bike in the background. It must have been at Arch Rock. 

There is something about this sketch I like (besides the subject matter), I think it is the varied lines weights on the darker paper. The tone reminds me of old master's drawings.  

Just for fun. This is a sketch that makes me laugh. I drew it from memory of posing for a photo at my Mom and Dad's house on their deck in front of a tree. I was just trying to work out shapes and proportions. I was trying to work out traits recognizable. If you know us, maybe you can recognize my husband, son, and me….not flattering in the least of any of us.  It's just a sketch, but something about it I like.

Showing this is my way of opening up and building confidence. Ordinarily, I'd NEVER show something like this to anyone. It is just a personal exercise. But I am realizing that I like drawing more when I don't have to be so exact and critical.  I like the gestural quality of sketching. So, maybe I'll explore THAT direction. Come along for the journey!

From my sketchbook:  Basking in the warmth of memories of the summer, here is a quick sketch I did of my sister Linda as she was chatting on the phone with her daughters. We were visiting a quaint little nook at an artist's store on Loon Lake while taking advantage of some wi-fi. Linda is currently busy, busy, working on a benefit for her husband. More on that later!

I did this sketch on the shore of Loon Lake, northern Lower Michigan, at Linda and Brian's Cottage. 

Over the last few days I've been thinking about the impressive conditions we witnessed when we visited the ice covered pier at Grand Haven, MI. I thought I might do some drawings of that, but couldn't bring myself to work on them. I've had enough of this relentless string of snow, ice, and frigid temperatures. I wanted some GREEN to warm the soul. I thought this was fitting to share because we are currently planning a benefit for my Brother-in-Law Brian. Because of his illness he hasn't been able to get up to their cottage. 

This is my way of spreading hope and looking forward to the warm days ahead when he'll feel well enough to get back to Loon Lake.