It's a Lot...Getting Through Each Moment

Day 7 Post surgery. It was so much harder than I anticipated. I was gauging the recovery of my bilateral mastectomies on how well the recovery of my two lumpectomies went. But this was a whole different beast. The constant uncomfortableness can not be stressed enough. It was a lot. It was uncomfortable and pinchy to breathe, to move, to sit, to lie. There was pressure and pain from tight binding on the outside and from the inside where the drain tubes were scraping. It just was NOT fun. There was a constant reminder of uncomfortableness that would only be relieved with time. Did I mention how uncomfortable it was?

But I kept busy with being proactive about my care. I recorded temperature, and cleaned and stripped my drainage tubes twice a day. I recorded and emptied by drainage bulbs twice a day at first, and then later just once a day. There wasn't much more I could do. It brought flashbacks of having a newborn baby. I remember that uncertainness, and the only confidence was recording our progress. I remember writing down times of wet diapers and bowel movements, and baths. This felt the same.

​I was grateful for family and friends that stopped by to lend a hand with care and company. I was surprised with a candlelight vigil as family and friends gathered outside on the sidewalk to wish me well. I was blessed with all the people praying for me, for my recovery, and for good results from the pathology reports. I was just in a metaphorical cocoon, holding me tight, and my body doing physical work that I had no control of. Only time would tell the outcome.

I had no idea what was going on under the wraps. I was advised not to change bandages or shower that area until my 7-day checkup. The weather had been warm and the bindings were beginning to have an odor I feared was infection. I worried that something was oozing or putrifying under wraps. My imagination was making up horrifying scenarios. But I had no fever, so I had to put my faith in my body knew what to do.

The other fear that plagued my mind was that THIS surgery, and pain, was just the beginning of the end of me. We had no idea if cancer had spread to lymph nodes and beyond. We DID know that one DCIS was Estrogen/Progesterone Negative which was not favorable and unresponsive to chemotherapy. So my prayers were that all the cancer was contained.

When we got the results from the surgery, where they examined the removed tissue, and sentinel lymph nodes, it was a HUGE, lifesaving relief. It appears that the margins were clear, cancer contained, with no metastasis. That meant I did not need chemotherapy or radiation. Hallelujah! Now I could get on with healing and living. (Still feeling a bit like the other shoe was going to drop.)

I challenged myself to do an Urban Sketchers Meet Up in Holland, Michigan, pretending all was normal, while under my shirt I had bandages and drain tubes. But it felt good to be out and about, driving for the first time since surgery, and doing what I love. I met some wonderful women sketchers that had similar experiences, and I felt like I was part of club. (A club I never wanted to join.) The sharing of stories and support brought tears to my eyes.

The pain and uncomfortableness was still there, and I still needed to have drain tubes in for a few more days, but knowing this was the end of my procedures was a huge sigh of relief. Dr. App had removed my bandages, and all was well and healing nicely. I was on the road to recovery. It was so strange seeing my body for the first time. I was grateful to have my husband and sister there for support. I was glad that the incisions looked great but the missing breasts made me feel a bit disfigured. It took some getting used to.

​The changes and body image is still surprising to me. But I am getting used to it. I'm working on it.