I read this quote that is mind-blowing to me. It goes like this:  "Here is the crux of the matter, the distilled essence, the only thing you need to remember: When considering whether to say yes or no, you must choose the response that feels like freedom. Period."  by Martha Beck [Found in an old Oprah Magazine my sister Cyndi passed along to me.]

This quote is so heart-healing and refreshing to me. It is like opening up a gut that is churning with indecision, and letting the answer go free. Ahhhhh.

It is like giving myself permission to listen to the feeling in my core, and ignore the nagging debate going on in my head. 

Our bodies seem to know at the core which we want to choose but we like to ignore the signs and signals and justify our decision based on logic and what we 'should' do. We ignore the gut that tightens like a fist, and the breathing that grows shallow, while we wrestle with a decision.

I guess we should just visualize each yes and no and try to imagine the body's response to each answer. Then, the decision should be simpler. Freedom. Choose the response that feels like freedom. It works. I'm sure the choice isn't necessarily the 'easy' one if it is causing such indecision, but I'm certain it is probably the 'correct' one.

I'm working on it.

Do you have stacks of things, and odds and ends cluttering up the surfaces in your home? You know the old saying "A place for everything and everything in its place". I'm convinced that THAT is part of the problem with collecting clutter…it doesn't have a place. 

The other part or the reason for clutter is indecision. Are you like me and have trouble making decisions - at times? I've found the reason something is sitting out and taking up space, ISN'T because I'm too lazy to put it away; it is because I don't know where to put the item. In that moment, I'm too busy or too distracted and can't make a decision where it should be kept or filed.

My scissors have a spot, so when I use them - back they go. I don't have to think about it. They have a place, and it is easy to return them. But what about the Insurance Form, where should it go? If I have to call about it, but not now, and I don't want to file it away and forget about, so I leave it on the counter. Indecision. I can't decide where it so go, so there it sits. What about the article I need to give to Mom. I don't want to put it away because I'll see her in two days. I want to remind myself, so I leave it out in plain site on top of the growing stack of clutter. Now about the car maintenance receipt, that I'm too busy to put away right now because I'd have to get out the binder, and I have to get dinner started.  I don't want it to get lost in the pile, so I start a new pile by the phone where I'll see it and won't get lost in the shuffle. Sound familiar?

If I look around the house and see things that should be put away, most of the time, they are left out, not because of laziness but because they don't have a 'place'. It is INDECISION. Now sometimes, we are just to plain busy at the moment to put the item in it's rightful place. Or to run it upstairs or downstairs. That isn't stressful. At the end of the day, It takes just 5 or 10 minutes, to run around and put them away. 

It is the INDECISIVE CLUTTER that zaps the energy right out of us. If something doesn't have a place, it gets stuck someplace with other stuff in stacks - in the corner, on the hutch, on the table, over a chair. It takes energy to ignore it and NOT deal with it. It takes energy to push it aside and keep overlooking it.

Did you ever notice how great you feel when you can actually make a decision, find a spot, and take care of the item? That feels like a weight is lifted. Ahhhh.  So sometimes the people that feel they are 'Messies' aren't really Messies at all, they are just poor decision makers  (or have too much stuff to find a place but that is another story). 

If you have something you don't know what to do with, then find a spot, or make a folder as a place-holder that says "To be filed" and feel good about putting it away IN ITS PLACE 'to be filed for now'. If it helps, make a bin just for temporary things that need attention and make a date to attend to it. At least it is put away and you'll feel good about it, and you'll have the energy to move on and the house will be a little less cluttered.

I'm working on it.

Seeing my dark green Collards growing a little more each day, makes me so happy.

On my journey to live with LESS, I am trying to have less processed food in my/our diets. It is not easy to give up old ways (bacon), and it REALLY is difficult to get everyone in the family on the same page (bacon). We are taking baby steps by trying to add in a few more greens. We planted Kale and Broccoli, too. What's nice is that it doesn't take a green thumb to grow them. I purchased a little plant (three to container actually), planted them in a sunny spot in the garden, and water them when they are thirsty.  They just need occasional weeding (once a week or so)  to keep the weeds from competing with them, and you just let them grow. They look lush and a deep colored green. They make me feel like I am doing something good, for the earth, and for us. They look beautiful and makes me feel like I accomplished something.

The Collards and Kale aren't even a foot tall yet, but already have leaves that we harvest. It makes me feel connected to the planet, to go out the postage stamp sized garden an pluck a few leaves to cook for dinner. Even though we in city-suburbs, and the sidewalk is a few feet away, and we can hear the traffic from busy streets around us, I still feel a sense of wellness and contentment when I look at that little garden.

I was given some great Collard Recipes, most have grease (bacon) and/or butter, and are heavily cooked (heavily delicious, too, did I mention bacon?) But we are trying to integrate them into healthier dishes. We love Kale Mashed Potatoes (recipe from Rick and Pamm). We started adding the chopped up Collard leaves to stir-frys and Herb-Linguine (just like you would spinach). So we're taking baby steps. Planning to add more 'good stuff' and buy less of the 'bad stuff' (BBQ potato chips which are my weakness). Here is a site that tells the benefits of Collard Greens.

So bring on the summer and sunshine, and let it feed my little green plants, and they can feed us! And keep away the little green worm that is trying to turn the leaves to lacework. I'm working on it.

I learned a tip how to avoid procrastination that seems to help. Maybe you'll find it works for you, too.

To talk about energy and affirmations may be too 'kookie' or 'New Age' for some people but I've tried this technique when faced with some basic chores, like doing bills and laundry, that I had been putting off and it seems to help motivate me.

Before I explain the simple technique, I want to mention that this comes from the work of Carol Tuttle. Carol is the creator of a system of Energy Profiling based on qualities of who you are since birth as expressed through your movement. She says people generally fall into 4 Energy Types. If you are true to your nature you will feel a sense of peace, balance, and ease. Carol Tuttle has also taken Energy Profiling and applied to how we present ourselves and came up with the program Dressing Your Truth  (I'll cover some observations in another blog.)

Carol explains that who we are and what we do is energy. She says ideally we should all move through life with EASE and not force. For instance, which would you prefer to do a task that is your idea and you WANT to do it? Or to do something that someone is forcing you to do? That's an easy one.

This is all you do: FIRST - When faced with something you are hesitant about or procrastinating on, ask yourself a couple of questions. (This works on chores and smaller things in life.)

"Is this something that is correct for me?" In other words, do we hesitate because it is illegal, immoral, dangerous, against our nature, or intuitively wrong and our subconscious is stopping us?

NEXT, ask yourself "Is this something I 'want' to accomplish or is it something I 'should' do?" She says when we use the word 'should' we have the feeling of being forced to do something and we dread it and want to avoid it.  She says we shouldn't "move through life with force". [I remember a Martha Stewart article a long time ago about something similar, only she didn't discuss it with 'energy' work. Martha had recommended rephrasing - instead of "I have to do laundry", say "I want to get laundry done".] Sometimes, something may feel like a 'should' but it is really  "I want to have it done but it isn't going to be fun".

THEN, if you decide to continue with a task, before you begin it, she says to visualize THE FEELING you'll have when you accomplish it. She says, "...examine 'What does it feel like to have that done?' 'What would you be saying to yourself? Say that now.' " 

It's as if, by tapping into the relaxing feeling of having the chore done, it charges you with energy to put the chore in motion.  She says that visualization puts the energy into motion before you physically start the task. She says it "Creates momentum to carry you to accomplish things."

I like to think of it as the DOGGIE PADDLE. You know how when hold a dog over the water, instantly all four legs start paddling like crazy, and they haven't even touched the water yet? Their little bodies are putting the energy in motion before it is needed. It's kind of like that! Once you visualize the FEELING and emotion of having the task completed, you feel the apprehension flow away and energy will feel recharged. Then, you are well on your way and motivated to put the task in motion - and that is half the battle.

So, think about your next chore, ask yourself some questions and DO THE DOGGIE PADDLE! "Set the energy into motion with more ease without force." See if it works for you!

Thanks to Google satellite view! Maybe you remember the old song The Wildwood Weed performed by Jim Stafford. (If not, follow the link. It's cute.) Well, I'm not talking about THAT kind of trip, but a DIFFERENT kind. I'm talking about the amazing ability to pick a place and view the streets as if you were there - a place you'd only get to see by planning a trip or vacation.

I'm really getting to appreciate Google satellite view. It can be helpful. I've been reading a book called Island Girls by Nancy Thayer. The story takes place in and around Nantucket, MA. She describes the homes and shops in the winding streets, and mentions street names. So I plunked in Nantucket, MA in Google, zoomed in, and clicked on satellite view. It's like I am there! I can see the overhead view, and see the streets, trees, pools, and beaches. If you click on the street level, you can jump ahead house by house. You see the people on bikes and walking by at the time the Google van went by taking photos. Real live images of the real thing, as if I captured it with my camera.

I wish my Grandpa was alive to see this technology. He would have thought it was fantastic! I know I do. It came in pretty handy a number of times. Being a visual person, it is helpful to see the building front, or surrounding area, when I am visiting a place for the first time. Once when we were on a Girls Weekend in Savannah, GA, we hit all the tourist-y shops. I was limiting myself and wouldn't allow myself to get a t-shirt. I had seen this one adorable one, it reminded me of my sister, but I was sticking to my limit and passed it by. After the fact, back at home, I kept thinking of that shirt and wouldn't let the idea go. I thought it would be nice to get it for her - and get one for myself as well.  I thought of ordering it, but couldn't remember the name of the shop although I could see it in my memory. BINGO…Google satellite to the rescue. I searched the streets online, as if I was walking downtown, myself. I scanned storefront, by storefront and found it. With the name of the shop, I got the phone number online, and I called and ordered it.

Navigating the controls takes a little getting used to. You can zoom in or out, or click on a spot further down the street and the view will jump to that section of the street. It even allows you to turn a 360 degree angle. Obviously, travel and having the experience first hand is ideal, but when you can't, isn't it nice to have a 'virtual' trip - and never leave the farm?! 

Really! It's a goal. Well, maybe not necessarily TEN items, but a Simple Wardrobe. You know how some people dream or visualize themselves winning the lottery? Well, I imagine having a Simple Wardrobe AND BEING CONTENT with it. Wouldn't that be dreamy? It is to me.

Over the past year, in my spare moments of the day, for fun, I've been making lists and reconfiguring the contents of my closet like a CFO crunches numbers. On paper, I've been choosing my favorite few pieces, and mixing and matching them and eliminating the others that don't work. It is like Sartorial Sodoku. 

Since reading about Jennifer L Scott's Ten-Item Wardrobe, I've imagined...dreamed...of having one of my own. On 2/7/11 she made a blog post about her Ten-Item Wardrobe - Getting Started. Since November 2012 when her book was published by Simon & Schuster, it has been getting worldwide exposure. Each Spring/Summer and Fall/Winter, Jennifer posts her new Ten-Item Wardrobe video on her blog. It is fun to see what she has put together, and watch her use the combinations in creative ways. There are thousands of people following her progress.

If you are intrigued about her Ten-Item Wardrobe, like I am. It isn't her total number of articles of clothing. She doesn't count her 'specials' like coats or 'special occasion' wear, nor her t-shirts or undergarments. She uses that Ten-Item number to count her daily basics she mixes and matches. (This is how she realized the need for the Ten-Item Wardrobe.) Since reading about her process, I've been trying to reduce the number of pieces I have. I have collected so many items over the years, since they haven't worn out, or I can still fit into many of them. I hate to get rid of them - which I know probably should - but getting rid of what is still good seems wasteful. At this time, I've kept out a limited number hanging in my closet and have boxed up the rest in bins. Each time I change out the seasonal clothes, I try to weed out a little more from things I haven't worn in a while.

I use Jennifer's writings like a words from a mentor. I use her experience to keep me on track. One thing I like about her, is that she doesn't claim to be a fashionista. She isn't like most Fashion Bloggers that post daily OOTD (Outfits of the Day), or boost of their latest purchases. She doesn't encourage buying or feeding the need to 'keep up with the Jones'. Her recommendation as written in her book or in this earlier blog post is the 'Rejection the New Materialism'. She reminds us all to reassess what we really need, and not get dragged into fast-paced commercialism or the need to spend more. She is all about having a simple look that is flattering, and having  a small number of pieces that you wear until they're worn out, and then the next season you can give away or discard the worn items, and get a couple of new ones. If you purchase higher quality items, they show less wear, and you can keep them from season to season.

Ahhhh to be happy and content with what you have. Isn't that what we all want? But how do some of us try to get there? By wanting the 'next' thing...THEN...we will be happy. Well, I've been really trying to stop that cycle. Awareness comes first. Last year, I really tried to judge what was the difference betwen a need  want and to only get what I really love. This year I was taking a step further and limiting my self and only getting what fits into my 'plan'. I am taking steps to have a simple, limited, wardrobe. Baby steps. At least it is a goal. If I limit what comes in, and eliminate some of what I currently have, Iittle by little I should end up with less.

It's tough. I love possibilities! I love colors and shapes and looks and styles. I enjoy perusing catalogs and seeing different looks, and how stylists put things together. That is an interest and hobby to me, like some people go fishing. So how do I continue that without feeling like I need to buy more? That is the challenge. It's tough to see a trendy new color on the market, and imagine the possibilities in a new blazer or capri pants, or kicky skirt. It's fun to imagine the combinations and really tough not to want it. 

I guess it is the mental gymnastics of wrestling with the wants and needs in my mind, and reminding myself of my ultimate goal. Goal: To live a simplified life in an uncluttered home, surrounded by people and things that I love, so we are free to do what God puts before us. If I keep that in mind, it helps filter the unnecessary things out of the way. It's a challenge; I'm working on it!

I'm not sure if you noticed, or not, there is a current discussion among bloggers and in the news about the trend to have a limited wardrobe. Some of the buzz words you may hear being tossed about are 'core' wardrobes, 'capsule' wardrobes, 'limited' wardrobes or a select number such as a 'Ten-Item', 'Twenty-Item' or 'Thirty-Item' wardrobes. All are names and variations on the idea of having a smaller number of pieces in our closets, mostly separates, that work together to mix and match well. Through experience, people have found that purchasing fewer items allows you to purchase higher quality pieces on your budget. Higher quality pieces usually last longer and have a lower 'cost per wear' .

A smaller - simple wardrobe - I like that idea. I once read a book about Mother Teresa (it is still on my bookshelf - a keeper). It blew me away. Her sacrifice and way of life made a huge impression on me. She had her philosophy and it reflected in EVERYTHING she did. For instance, talk about a simple wardrobe - her wardrobe couldn't get ANY simpler. She had the clothes that she was wearing and one extra set, that was it. No closets or drawers. She had one outfit/religious habit on her body, and one to launder. Done. Simplicity at its simplest. Talk about extreme. Yes - extremely simple! I'm not saying that her wardrobe is my goal (I do like white with blue stripes), but it does challenge me to see the differences between NEED and WANT. She is the only person I know where her needs and wants were the same thing. Over the past year I've been assessing my idea of a simple wardrobe. I am taking steps to reduce my possessions and make a change in my life. 

Some of the advantages of having a simple wardrobe are:

• it takes up less space
  
• it requires less time to shop for and to maintain
  
• it takes less time to think about what you will wear each day (with the help of my handy dandy Outfit Options graph I'll talk about in another post)
  
• it tends to have more 'classic' pieces 
  
• it is easier to mix and match pieces
  
• if you fluctuate in sizes, you are only replacing a couple of core pieces and the rest will still coordinate
  
• it still allows your personality to shine through
  

Another reason I like the idea of a simple wardrobe is that it goes along with the whole 'green' movement to reduce, reuse, and recycle. If we make better choices when shopping, we eliminate excess and have a smaller ecological footprint. At one time shopping at resale shops was for those who couldn't afford department store prices and for college kids for wanted vintage attire. Fortunately, now, shopping second-hand or resale shops (online included) is accepted as a viable way to reuse and recycle clothing. It has an ecological as well as financial benefit.

I've mentioned the work of Jennifer L. Scott before, and I'll do it again. I stumbled upon her book Lessons from Madame Chic: 20 Stylish Secrets I Learned While Living in Paris. It really spoke to my heart and subtly shifted my attitudes on lifestyle and purpose. She's a busy, young mom, who decided to follow the way of the Parisians regarding food, home, lifestyle and to live with a small, sophisticated wardrobe. She writes about her adventure to downsize her closet and live with a Ten-item Wardrobe. I follow her blog. She's inspires me, and many others, to think about the insanity of our brimming closets and make a change.

By purchasing fewer clothes, and making wise choices for the ones we DO acquire, we are better stewards of our resources and of those in our communities. That's my goal. I am a long ways from  'simple'…a long way….but I am taking steps toward that goal. It's as much a mental shift as it is a physical cleaning out of stuff. I'm trying to be ruthless but sometimes it's difficult to lose the grip on things I've collected. Now…onto those shoes!

Have you ever tried using dryer balls in your clothes dryer?

As I was trying to reduce the number of household products, I read about many uses for dryer sheets - like de-static-ing things and preventing insects, etc. BUT as I researched, I repeatedly found articles on the dangers of using fabric sheets for anything.  There are MANY sites warning of the hazards - try reading here and here. Plus, I'm not so sure dryer sheets are a great idea even in the dryer. To support that, over the years, I've found some new stains on my clothes that weren't there when they went into the dryer, and am convinced they came from the dryer sheet residue getting set in the heat of the dryer. So, what do we do?

As I am discovering, there are a few alternatives to dryer sheets. But be aware, switching to a liquid fabric softener is trading one danger for another. Not to worry, one method I've been trying is the little plastic nubby balls you throw in your dryer and forget about. They bounce around and bounce into your clothing and prevent the sticking together of the fabric. Suppliers recommend at least two in a load, but I have about six to make it work. On some days, they don't entirely get rid of static, but I feel a little better knowing I am cutting down on some toxic chemicals around my family. 

Recently, I found some cute little 'hedgehogs' that work better than the round balls. It was a brilliant design idea to have an oblong shape, so when you open your dryer, they don't bounce and roll away very far, like the round balls do. And who doesn't like hedgehogs? They are a bit pricey in some stores, but not when you consider how much you will cut down on not buying fabric softener and dryer sheets. Don't fall for the cheap ones at the flea market or Shipshewana either. I bought those thinking they were a great deal; however the plastic is too hard and doesn't 'give' a little when bouncing in the dryer. I think they are too abrasive on finer fabrics, so I gave them to my dog. Even she won't play with them because they are too hard and sharp for her mouth.

I think the idea of eliminating the toxins we have control over is a good thing (since there are so many we can't control.) I know having PLASTIC around us isn't the best, either. So, I'll keep researching the alternatives. 

Have you found any alternatives that work? Have you read about the little balls you use in the washing machine INSTEAD of detergent? Maybe I'll try those next.

On my quest to Make >LESS< Work by using fewer household products.

I am passionate of this topic, too. Ask my husband who snickers each time he walks into a room and sees me making another 'concoction'. I think we all can do with fewer cleaning products AND fewer health and beauty products.

According to the Environmental Working Group's site (EWG) Skin Deep "our survey of 2300 people, on average, respondents use nine products daily. These contain 126 unique ingredients. One man in 100 and fully 25 percent of women surveyed apply 15 or more products each day." How many of those products are harmful to us? Probably more than you think.

When I was preparing to be a new Mom, and doing all the reading about parenting, I became aware of the function of our skin - our largest organ in the body. It isn't just an external covering but a TWO-WAY barrier. One of the tips for babies, and for us all, is that NEVER put anything on your skin that you wouldn't put in your mouth and eat (since our skin is going to drink it in). That was eye opening for me.

Since then, I've been conscious about what I was smoothing on my skin. I use olive, coconut, or almond oil quite often for the base of many concoctions. I still can't part with the fun of wearing make-up, for now, but at least I can be conscious about what it contains and try to make better choices.

Deodorant

If you want to do one thing to improve your health and well being…you can make your own deodorant. Be aware, that it is not an antiperspirant; however it does stop odor. Our bodies were made to eliminate toxins through perspiration; we shouldn't prevent that. But we can cut down on the odor with a simple recipe. Just mix the ratio of 2:2:1 cornstarch : baking soda : coconut oil, and you may add any essential oils or perfume if you wish. That's it.

In one bowl I mix equal parts of corn starch and baking soda in whatever quantity you wish. Start small like two tablespoons each. Next, I soften the coconut oil to be slightly liquid in the microwave (that is another topic for another time) or if it is warmer than 75 degrees in the house, it may be liquid already. For instance use 1 tablespoon. Then just pour in the coconut oil and mix until it is a runny paste. You can add a perfume or essential oil if you wish. I like to use my Monoi Oil (which is just coconut oil infused with gardenia flowers) or a drop or two of Bergamont Oil which gives it a citrusy clean smell. I store that runny stuff in a little jar and keep in the bathroom. After the shower when I am dried off, I take a nickel-size dab and smear it under each arm and smooth in. Be careful not to rub too vigorously because the baking soda can be a bit abrasive. In colder months, the coconut oil will harden in the container. You'll have to scrap off a fingerful and hold it to your underarms for about 2 seconds and then it will emulsify and you can smooth it around where you need it.

It sounds more complicated than it really is. The benefits are so worth the effort. It does leave a slight powdery residue on dark sleeveless tops at first, but I haven't found that the oil has ever stained anything, surprisingly. My white tops doesn't have any yellowish stains from it, which I was pleased about, and it has never stained my silk blouses.

I've read where some people have added beeswax to it, to keep it soft, but I haven't tried that, so I can't comment on its effectiveness.

So do something good for your body. Begin with just ONE change. Have fun with that concoction. Make it your own! Let me know your results.

The start of summer brings back good memories. Talking about books in a recent blog post reminded me of a childhood treasure….the BOOKMOBILE.

When I think of my summers when I was little, a few of my clearest memories are: waking up and putting on my swimsuit (in hopes of running through a sprinkler or a kiddie pool), waiting by the mailbox and checking it everyday until I got my report card in the mail saying I passed and could move on to the next grade, and waiting until Thursday so we could ride our bikes one mile to where the bookmobile was parked.

Ahhhhh I love that thing. We would park our bikes on a scorching, sunny, day, and step up into the narrow, dark, rolling library that smelled of old books. Not the musty kind, but the old polished kind and those with cloth covers and stitched bindings. It was floor to ceiling bookshelves, and the aisle was so narrow you would hardly fit through. I loved browsing the picture books and choosing a favorite, and filling out the little card in the back. Every book was a new adventure and the different drawing styles drew me right in.

When we were really young, our Mom would drive us, but as we got older, we could ride our bikes to where it was parked in our neighborhood.  We would sit on the little step stools and page through the books to get a favorite or two. We had to keep our voices down, because being in there had a certain reverence (policed by a strict librarian). It was such a great feeling being in there. I liked to imagine having a bed in there, and moving in so that could be my bedroom.

That bookmobile is such a fond, treasured memory. Did you have a visit by a bookmobile in your neighborhood?

So, I decided to tackle my bookshelf. Let me preface that with a statement: I LOVE BOOKS.

You can imagine how painful that was to consider getting rid of even a few. The books I have, I don't just read once. I read them over and over. I refer back to them again, over the years. They are like scrapbooks to me. When I pick up a book, I remember when I was reading it, what stage of my life I was in, and what ideas that it prompted. To consider giving it away was like throwing again a scrapbook. The truth is, I have too many.

I keep my books in sections by topic. I have a 'fiction' section, and a 'reference' section which I keep to refer to. I have 'Homeopathy and Craniosacral' section. I have an 'Art' section. But the section I had the most difficult time even considering letting go of was the 'parenting and childhood development' section.

I tried a few times, in the past, to reduce my bookshelf. Each time, I could maybe find one or two books that I'd be willing to part with, but no more. I know I couldn't part with them until I felt ready to release them.

The other day, I took the plunge. I woke up on a beautiful spring morning, and the sun was shining in the that room. I felt the inspiration to take another look. The 'parenting' section by far, was the hardest to consider. As I looked through the books, I noticed my breathing had changed and I was feeling turmoil inside and a bit apprehensive. 

I sat with the feeling and breathed through it. I had to acknowledge all the hopes and dreams I remembered as I was reading these books. I thought about all the good memories of reading those through my pregnancy, and the times I was frantically searching through them for some magical cure for colic. I had so much invested in those books, but that stage of my life has passed. 

The way I turned things around was to be grateful for their help, and in some way bless them for being there when I needed them. My hope is that they can find their way to someone else who can use their knowledge and wisdom. Maybe I'll write a note inside each one for the new owner.

All and all, I was able to let go of 3 stacks of books. It felt good, and renewed my energy. Hopefully the books I love can find their way to someone who can treasure them, like I did.

At this time I am working through the sudden passing away of Tre'von (on the right). He was a good friend of my son for many years. They've known each other since first grade. He spent much time with our family. He was like a son to my husband and me. We worried and cared for his welfare. He was 19, and was away at college, at an exciting time in his life and taking steps to be independent. He died unexpectedly, from illness, which we didn't know was so critical. We are all reeling in the wake of his passing, with so many unanswered questions.*

My mind and body connection is churning with trying to work out the shock, grief and sadness. I want to scream at the world for not knowing that he was sick enough to pass away, alone, and not have us all know he was to that point. How could we not know? If we knew, we could have helped. How could the world not have know his life was in danger?

I'm reminded of my brother's closest friend, Tom (and later the passing of my own brother). Tom struggled his whole life. He had a rough life, with abuse and neglect, not to mention living with deafness. He lived life the best he could along the margins, and died without loved ones by his side. He had no obituary. I struggle with the sadness of how the world would not know that he was born, and lived, and passed away. He made a difference in my brother's life, and ours, and the rest of the world didn't know.

That echoes the feeling I had, but in a good way,  when my son was born. As the doctor cradled him and cut the cord, I could hear hospital sounds, and nurses chattering and laughing down the hall. In a split second, my first thought, egocentric as it was, was "Why are they gabbing? WHY WASN'T THERE REVERENCE? How could they not know - my son was just born?" But I realized life goes on. He is born into the world to be a part of it, and life would flow on.

Those thoughts have stayed with me for 19 yrs., and got pushed to the forefront of my consciousness with the news of Tre'von.  Loss like that brings out the whole mothering instinct, and panic at someone you love passing away. Every fiber of your being tries to protect and nurture life, and when that is taken away it is disturbing and unsettling, to say the least. 

The thoughts and feelings had to come out, so I created this poem. There may or may not be something like it. But these are the words that flowed to the surface. That sadness prompted this poem. It is a little about Asher, and of Tre'von, and Tom and Danny;  all our children, really.


The Whole World Should STOP

The whole world should STOP
to welcome the birth of one 
who will change the world.

Amidst the busyness, the noise,
and the endless chatter that fills
the moments in day,

The whole world should STOP
and wait in silence
for him to take his first breath.

'Welcome, little one',
- as we hold and cradle your gentle soul-
to a world that can be less than gentle.

Amidst the busyness and the noise
that fills your life
may you thrive and find the thing you're meant to do.

And near the end, when the sacred time comes, 
the world should KNOW when
your body is struggling to hold on.

The world should weep with sadness
that a soul with hopes, dreams and plans,
is passing away.

The whole world should STOP,
and pause, in the stillness,
as he is breathing his last.

The world should kindly whisper a collective 'farewell'
to the soul that realizes
it is time to go back home.

Then, the whole world should STOP
and with reverence, acknowledge
one who has changed the world.

- Ann G Rusky


God bless the precious souls of our little ones (at every stage and every age), and may the world learn to celebrate and respect the life of each and everyone. May we all care for those in need, as we would our own. Children, adults, animals, - whomever is in need - care for the ones around you. Care for the ones that God has placed in your path. The ones that are hungry, scared, confused, hurt or lost. 

Maybe I'll start a new campaign.  Be aware and care.

Anyhow, go in Peace, Tre'von. I'm sorry I wasn't there for the big moments in your life - like the beginning and the end - but I was glad I was there for the many moments in between. Thanks for touching our lives and making a difference in our world. 


* In July we got the results from Tre'von's autopsy. It appears that he died from a Diabetic Coma. No one, especially him, knew he had diabetes. It went totally undiagnosed after multiple and repeated doctor visits. It seems a simple cold and sinus infection kept plaguing him because his blood sugar was unchecked. It is alarming that that can happen in this day and age. When he was feeling lousy and tucked himself in to bed with his antibiotics, his body was actually in Diabetic Shock then drifted away into a coma and passed away alone. Getting the news doesn't help the loss but does help the unanswered questions. It makes me want to SHOUT TO THE WORLD even more how someone so special can be taken from us from an easily diagnosable condition.

I am making an effort to have less clutter, less material possessions, and just less 'stuff' in general. Although, I am grateful for the blessings and abundance that surrounds me, my goal is to make better choices about what I bring into my home and life.  My hope is that by having LESS, I  can cherish what I have and have my day-to-day routine be a bit simpler.

Last year I began the process of being aware of what I was purchasing. I would judge my emotional response to an item, and I only let myself buy or collect clothing and things that "I love", based on the advice of Tim Gunn, (someone of whom I admire and share a birthday). Tim encourages people to judge a purchase on whether it 'stirs the soul'. I decided that things had to be either functional or something I could rank high enough to fall under the category of 'soul stirring'. Over time, I had only the things around me that really meant something to me.

Now, I am taking it a step further, and I am trying to be aware and recognize the excesses all around me. I reached a point and said 'enough is enough'. I am currently trying to pare down the extraneous 'stuff' and make living with LESS attainable.

To me, living with less means:

Fewer clothes in my closet
Fewer household products
Fewer processed food in my pantry
Fewer boxes in my basement

This is a challenge to me. Especially since the clothes and things around me have all passed the rank of 'soul stirring'. But if I look at objects objectively, I can admit there are things I could deem unnecessary. It is true I may 'love' it, but do I 'need' it'? I decided I needed to change how I think about it.

Jennifer L Scott, the author of Lessons from Madame Chic - 20 Stylish Secrets I Learned While Living in Paris, explains it well when she described her 'tipping point' (More on how her words inspire and support my goal in a later post). I reached my tipping point, and am doing something about it! Thank you, Jennifer.

It may be difficult, and I may backslide, but it is a journey. I am determined to make progress. If you feel so inspired, join me in the process to make LESS work!

I was in the process of creating a separate blog to start a conversation about my desire to eliminate the clutter at home and in my life. I've decided to try and combine it with THIS blog. Since each idea is a facet of my life, I will try to incorporate the two passions - drawing and creative living.

I am on a journey to live with less. 

Hopefully my goal will inspire my whole family to make conscious decisions about our home environment and what we really need to own. 

My personal goal is to eliminate clutter, and make our surroundings creatively functional and beautiful.

We'll see where this journey takes me!

I'd love to read your comments and hear if you've struggled with the same goal.

http://www.anngrusky.com/make-less-work.html

In honor of my Mother, Mary Alice. Thanks for all you've done for your family. I am so honored to have you as my Mom. Happy Mother's Day! I love you lots. The first drawing is of you "just laying down for a few minutes to rest my eyes", and is how I fondly think of you. These were drawings from my sketchbook from 1989.

In honor and remembrance of upcoming Mother's Day, I am posting a series of drawings from my sketchbook. These drawings were done in 1989. That is when I had a Life Drawing Class, and was busy recording daily life in my Sketchbook. 

Above, is my Mom, Mary Alice, typing on her typewriter. It was a fancy electric one that had a memory. It was way before personal computers. Her lumps and bumps are a bit out of proportion, but I like it because it jogs my memory. It makes me smile when I think of my Mom typing away at the kitchen table.

Below, is my Mother-in-law, Rosalie. This is her favorite sitting spot, where she rests and watches her 'shows' on TV. She is the sweetest person, and loves her routine. We all know not to stop in between 1-2 pm, because that is when she eats her lunch and watches her soap opera. 

I love them both, dearly, and am blessed to have them in my life.

In honor and remembrance of upcoming Mother's Day, I am posting a series of drawings from my sketchbook.

This is a drawing done in 1989. I had no eraser at the time, otherwise I would have cleaned it up a bit more. It is special to me because it is of my Grandmother Dorothy Sedlecky. It was done at her apartment. It has a violet plant in the background, and I always think of her when I see them.

Grandma prayed everyday for her family and others, and I'm sure she is praying as fervently, while in Heaven. I love and miss you Grandma. It is nice to remember the time we've spent together.

I was called for jury duty, today. It is not what I was looking forward to, but, I suppose I was pleased to serve to ensure our freedoms. 

It was my day off today, and I felt a bit disappointed that the weather was so beautiful, and I had to use up my day in court - but - it all worked out. I was really glad that the number of jurors ahead of me fulfilled their quota, so after a couple of hours, I was free to go home. 

Here are some sketches I had done, as I was trying out my new Sailor Calligraphy Pen. I did no pencil preliminary underdrawing; just some scratchy line drawings to engage my mind. The pen has the ability to do thick and thin lines, but takes a little getting used to it since it is not a roller-ball, but an old-fashioned style calligraphy pen.  With those types of pens you can't really do circular movements, mostly side to side. The jury is still out……pun intended….whether I like the pen or not.

After this loooooooong winter, spring has sprung in Michigan! The trees now have tiny buds, and green is making its way up from the earth and is emerging from the brownish-gray branches. I love the vibrancy of the green. This is a watercolor base over which I worked some chalk pastel and prisma pencil. I tried to capture a splash of green….not too fussy. I love the awakening of color.

Another childhood favorite is by Mercer Mayer called One Monster After Another, 1974. I loved that book for its fantastical images and humorous story. Up until this book, most children's books I saw weren't far from reality. This one really plunged me into a fantasy world.  I could be lost for hours imagining each scene. It was the first book that I noticed the author had a voice and had a sense of humor. Earlier books I read were just like a narration with illustrations. Looking at the story again, I think I've realized why I like Zooey Deschanel so much. She reminds me of the little girl in the story.

So, if you've been wondering why you haven't seen a post in a while, it is because any extra time has been going to a Benefit for my brother-in-law. He is currently undergoing round after round of chemo to fight his Chronic Myelomonocytic Leukemia (CMML), also referred to as Bone Marrow Leukemia. I am on Brian's Benefit Crew meeting weekly to plan for his Benefit to be held this month. The Benefit is to raise money so that he can undergo a Bone Marrow Transplant. Does this sketch look familiar?  I was able to use my earlier sketch of Loon Lake (where their cottage is located), on the flyer and poster. I think it gives a gentle, relaxing feel to the flyer.

What can I say about the beauty and sweetness of Maurice Sendak's illustrations for A Kiss For Little Bear? The charming story is by Else Holmelund. The line drawings look like hand-colored etchings. Maurice Sendak is not only a Master of the Picture Book, he is great at adding and making allusions. Notice his monster he draws which looks like monsters from Where the Wild Things Are. And Grandmother Bear who sits and is dressed like Whistler's Mother. I just love the beauty of the illustrations and the expressions on the hen's face just cracks me up. So much expression on a chicken. I could go on and on about Maurice Sendak. He is one the greats! 

I LOVE the stories of Harry like Harry The Dirty Dog by Gene Zion with illustrations by Margaret Bloy Graham circa 1965.  This was a major influence to me as a child.  I have never tired of the story and pictures. It is my first introduction to the art of printing, really. I used to stare at the use of color and try to guess how it was done. It was the first book I noticed the use of 3-color printing, and how there are different values of the spot colors green and orange with the black. Today, I still marvel at the simplicity of the story, and the perfect marriage of words and images. There are several 'Harry' books. My favorite is still Harry By the Sea. I remember reading these to my younger brother and sister, my nieces and nephews, and then later to my own son.

Tell me, do YOU have a favorite book from your childhood? What makes it so special to you?

Here are two sketches from my sketchbook done June 1999 on our family trip to Mackinac Island. 

I had glued some dark paper in my sketchbook so I could use chalk pastel. This location is the view from Mission Point beach on Mackinac Island. [Go to the navigation bar at the top of the page 'About. . .' to see more information about Mackinac Island.]

My process: I've used this technique in other drawings on this blog.  I use a medium value of paper, then I can add a dark line, and lighter color for highlights, and it hits the whole range of values and makes it feel complete.

Here's my boy!  This is a sketch from the same sketchbook, that I didn't complete in color. It is of our son, who was 4 at the time resting in the umbrella stroller, when we were on the same vacation on Mackinac Island. You can see the horse and carriage, and a bike in the background. It must have been at Arch Rock. 

There is something about this sketch I like (besides the subject matter), I think it is the varied lines weights on the darker paper. The tone reminds me of old master's drawings.  

This is the famous landmark of Grand Haven, Mi. We had gone out to see the effects of our frigid winter on the pier and channel. It was below zero windchill that day. In this drawing, I wanted to capture the day where everything was white or gray with the exception of the pier. At this point in our relentless winter, I've had enough of the endless snow and ice and dream of the return of sunshine.  BUT, this is PURE Michigan, and I love the beauty of the seasons. 

My process: I chose a blue-gray paper so that would be the basic color of the scene. I used marker for the line drawing, then used chalk pastel. I added darker gray for the ice and shadow, and light blue for the sky. I used workable fixative to set that layer and then went in with white over the top.