Ann G Rusky
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Grappling with loss

6/3/2014

8 Comments

 
Picture
At this time I am working through the sudden passing away of Tre'von (on the right). He was a good friend of my son for many years. They've known each other since first grade. He spent much time with our family. He was like a son to my husband and me. We worried and cared for his welfare. He was 19, and was away at college, at an exciting time in his life and taking steps to be independent. He died unexpectedly, from illness, which we didn't know was so critical. We are all reeling in the wake of his passing, with so many unanswered questions.*

My mind and body connection is churning with trying to work out the shock, grief and sadness. I want to scream at the world for not knowing that he was sick enough to pass away, alone, and not have us all know he was to that point. How could we not know? If we knew, we could have helped. How could the world not have know his life was in danger?

I'm reminded of my brother's closest friend, Tom (and later the passing of my own brother). Tom struggled his whole life. He had a rough life, with abuse and neglect, not to mention living with deafness. He lived life the best he could along the margins, and died without loved ones by his side. He had no obituary. I struggle with the sadness of how the world would not know that he was born, and lived, and passed away. He made a difference in my brother's life, and ours, and the rest of the world didn't know.

That echoes the feeling I had, but in a good way,  when my son was born. As the doctor cradled him and cut the cord, I could hear hospital sounds, and nurses chattering and laughing down the hall. In a split second, my first thought, egocentric as it was, was "Why are they gabbing? WHY WASN'T THERE REVERENCE? How could they not know - my son was just born?" But I realized life goes on. He is born into the world to be a part of it, and life would flow on.

Those thoughts have stayed with me for 19 yrs., and got pushed to the forefront of my consciousness with the news of Tre'von.  Loss like that brings out the whole mothering instinct, and panic at someone you love passing away. Every fiber of your being tries to protect and nurture life, and when that is taken away it is disturbing and unsettling, to say the least. 

The thoughts and feelings had to come out, so I created this poem. There may or may not be something like it. But these are the words that flowed to the surface. That sadness prompted this poem. It is a little about Asher, and of Tre'von, and Tom and Danny;  all our children, really.


The Whole World Should STOP


The whole world should STOP
to welcome the birth of one 
who will change the world.

Amidst the busyness, the noise,
and the endless chatter that fills
the moments in day,

The whole world should STOP
and wait in silence
for him to take his first breath.

'Welcome, little one',
- as we hold and cradle your gentle soul-
to a world that can be less than gentle.

Amidst the busyness and the noise
that fills your life
may you thrive and find the thing you're meant to do.

And near the end, when the sacred time comes, 
the world should KNOW when
your body is struggling to hold on.

The world should weep with sadness
that a soul with hopes, dreams and plans,
is passing away.

The whole world should STOP,
and pause, in the stillness,
as he is breathing his last.

The world should kindly whisper a collective 'farewell'
to the soul that realizes
it is time to go back home.

Then, the whole world should STOP
and with reverence, acknowledge
one who has changed the world.

- Ann G Rusky


God bless the precious souls of our little ones (at every stage and every age), and may the world learn to celebrate and respect the life of each and everyone. May we all care for those in need, as we would our own. Children, adults, animals, - whomever is in need - care for the ones around you. Care for the ones that God has placed in your path. The ones that are hungry, scared, confused, hurt or lost. 

Maybe I'll start a new campaign.  Be aware and care.

Anyhow, go in Peace, Tre'von. I'm sorry I wasn't there for the big moments in your life - like the beginning and the end - but I was glad I was there for the many moments in between. Thanks for touching our lives and making a difference in our world. 


* In July we got the results from Tre'von's autopsy. It appears that he died from a Diabetic Coma. No one, especially him, knew he had diabetes. It went totally undiagnosed after multiple and repeated doctor visits. It seems a simple cold and sinus infection kept plaguing him because his blood sugar was unchecked. It is alarming that that can happen in this day and age. When he was feeling lousy and tucked himself in to bed with his antibiotics, his body was actually in Diabetic Shock then drifted away into a coma and passed away alone. Getting the news doesn't help the loss but does help the unanswered questions. It makes me want to SHOUT TO THE WORLD even more how someone so special can be taken from us from an easily diagnosable condition.

8 Comments
Mom. Mary A Tarchinski
6/4/2014 02:52:11 am

Oh Ann, that was so beautiful. It made me cry. We knew Tre'von too, tho not as well as you did.he will be missed.But I bet he never knew how many lives he touched in his short life.
So much sadness for his Mom, Cecilia ,God be with her during this saddest time in her life.

Reply
Ann GR
6/4/2014 06:22:58 am

Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. I know YOU pain and loss of loved ones - especially children. You are MOM to many, and had to say good-bye to more than you should. Thanks for your prayers for Cecelia and her family. And most of all - thanks for welcoming Tre'von along on our family adventures. I like to think it made a difference.

Reply
Diane
6/4/2014 01:15:11 pm

Beautiful thoughts.Thanks for sharing them. Im sure heknows how much you loved him.Many pprayers for his family and friends

Reply
Ann GR
6/4/2014 01:42:51 pm

Thank you, Di. I hope so. Thanks for the prayers. It's just so difficult to get over when you know he wasn't ready to go. How does one deal with that? It's sad.

Reply
Barb B
6/4/2014 04:01:24 pm

Wow--you are so talented Ann. This made me cry and is so beautiful and "right on". So sad for the loss of Tre'von. Barb

Reply
Ann GR
6/5/2014 02:10:26 am

Thanks, Barb. It IS sad. It's sad that the world goes on without knowing what or who it has lost.

Reply
Linda Leroux
6/8/2014 03:01:16 am

Dearest Ann, beautifully spoken. Your heart is a kind one with an old soul. Tre'von didn't have a fair life and either did Tom. Life is so unfair, but it keeps on spinning, keeps on going.

Reply
Ann GR
6/8/2014 03:03:51 pm

Thanks, Linda. I feel blessed that he was in our lives. Who knows why some people have such trials. He was a good example of someone making the best of things and trying to make a difference. Life does go on…let's hope his life made a difference. He certainly has made an impact on many people.

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    Hi. I'm Ann.

    Welcome to
    My Drawing Board Blog.

    This is where I post my current thoughts and ideas about the topics that resonate with me, and how I work them out as illustrations. This is my work in progress.

    As an artist, I love to see the beauty in the world around me. I enjoy the play of color, patterns, and light. It is a challenge for me to try to capture the thoughts and images that inspire me.

    Sometimes, I like to quickly scratch ideas on paper. Other times, I like to take my time and work through images with color. 

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    ​Getting Creative About Functioning with LESS
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    Creativity takes on many forms. Currently, I am on a journey to live with LESS and I am trying to Make <LESS> Work for me and my family. 

    Hopefully my goal will inspire my whole household to make conscious decisions about our home environment and what we REALLY need to own. 

    My personal goal is to eliminate clutter, and make our surroundings creatively functional and beautiful.

    I am grateful to be able to share my thoughts, and illustrations with you.

    We'll see where this journey takes me!


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